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Dreaming in lockdown

Blog | By Cecilia Abdeen | Nov 09, 2020

Dark clouds ahead. By Chad Woodward

One night I had a dream.
I was awoken suddenly and I opened my eyes and sat up in my bed. In silence not a sound anywhere. In front of me was a big picture on the wall, a portrait of me looking very sad and reading a book.

The painting was done by my niece Stella Keen. I had long brown hair then in the portrait with auburn streaks of hair showing in the front over my forehead, my hair being parted in the middle giving me a look of grandeur and style.
As I was younger then, my thoughts and my dreams looked into a wonderful future to explore my world, the mystery it held for me.
No doubts or fears did I have to look forward into my future still sitting on the edge of my bed and gazing at the picture of myself.

The tears in my eyes began to flow. I am now unable to explain my feelings and emotions here in this very silent room, it was I felt ME thinking back in time.

Times of sadness, despair and sorrow throughout my life that mingled with much happiness and joy too. Those days of happiness and joy intermingled throughout one’s whole life as long as one lives on this planet.

The beautiful world of nature. You are given inner strength with every step you take with your eyes, your ears and your voice to guide you to face another year, another month until I pass away with my body and my soul.
I remembered my travels abroad working, taking with me only my big tin trunk filled up with all my wordly belongings. My garments to wear and precious small little items which need my care.

I remembered working in strange countries far from my homeland, my jobs in Italy, Birmingham, Bath and London and my marriage travelling to the Far East.

I remembered many heartbreaks on the way. My feelings and my sorrows I secretly experienced.

I remembered performing on stage in London as a singer and dancer in three musicals in London. It gave me so much confidence about myself. My desires brought me inner richness and the joy within me. So happy was I then, so many years now to fulfill my dream to dance and act. I will carry out my dream in silence until one day I pass away.

Now there is this terrible corronavirus that has come into our lives we fight each day to survive. How will it kill us or make our bodies ill. We look to the outside world, to the earth and foundation and the moving clouds in the sky. We want all to survive.

Sad times with coronavirus: not a straight twinkle, no shining brightness for us from the sky, just a misty dust of woe that attacks each one of us. Some of us will go.

We cry out to the world with doubts and fear, don’t let it happen to our loved ones, people we know.

We all feel so sad, we feel all locked in. Just go out for one hour and we are stuck in again.

We cannot work.

Thanks to the welfare state to help us along. To keep us sane and safe but for how long.

Take courage - get your own self well on tablets and drink And maybe a small drop of brandy.