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How to get your weight down, in a slightly underhand way - Susan Schwarz

Blog | By Susan Schwarz | Jun 22, 2021

Photograph by National Human Genome Research Institute

Too much focus has been placed on how to diet and not enough on how to weigh yourself.

First, position the scale. Always use the same light, level, secure spot. Mark off one that has given good results. Dust off the scale before each use. None of this can be taken too lightly.

Before stepping on the scale, remove whatever you can. Cut your nails, your hair, pierce your ears, GO TO THE BATHROOM, brush your teeth (plaque, you know), take out dentures, take off eyeglasses, shave your legs and whatever else you like. Bandages, hair clips, curlers, bobby pins, jewelry, make-up and nail polish, all go! Wash to get rid of heavy dirt. Dry thoroughly. Every drop counts.

If you have something heavy on your mind, talk about it; get it off. You can’t afford to be weighted down with problems, (though down is the right direction).

Don’t weigh yourself when making decisions. Then it’s important to weigh both sides of the question, and everyone knows that can be heavy. When there’s a possibility that you’ve been heavy handed ---- stay off the scale. Don’t get on the scale, when you’re feeling sexy. Heavy breathing you know.

Don’t weigh yourself with a heavy (in any sense of the word) date. A heavy cold can add to your worries. Unfortunately, a heavy heart isn’t a downer on the scale. Don’t do any weight lifting. Weighing can and should be enlightening . Get on that balance instrument with a light step, when you’re lighthearted or somewhat inebriated and lightheaded, perhaps feeling weightless.

Now, to EXPOUND, in order to scale down the procedure, use emergency measures. 1. Weigh yourself as often as you like, during one timeslot, or spread over the day, noting the lowest register. Definitely resort to running from scale to scale (if that exercise is available to you), ‘til you get the best reading. Feel free (fat free), to talk back to, or contradict, talking scales. The special math for weighing ---- ISH ---- is employed here. The correct weight is 110ish. 2. Spotlight the numerals on the indicator to lighten the load. 3. Reassure yourself that since you don’t weigh yourself under all the previously mentioned, unwise conditions, obviously, you are weighing less.

Remember, people say you have nothing to gain by lying about your weight ---- so, WHY NOT?